Paradise at the Crossed Palms

Crawling out of my bed
In the middle of the day
Got cobwebs in my head
Outside it’s cold and gray

I need to take a leak
My body odor is foul
I got drool on my cheek
My stomach starts to growl

I’m a hungry-ass dude
But my cupboards are bare
Not a scrap of food
Can be found in my lair

So elsewhere I must go
I think without a doubt
To the best place I know
To good ol’ In-N-Out

Buddy I’m in trouble
I need a double double
I ain’t gonna joke
Bout’ my animal fries and coke

Buddy I’m in trouble
I wanna double double
Fool this shit aint fake
Need me a chocolate shake

A ritual of mine
Must first be observed
Spark a blunt so fine
Its time to get curved

High as fuck, hella stoned
Ready to hit the street
Wallet, keys, phone
It’s time to go eat

Window seat, back of the bus
Wanna be bumpin Macklemore
Turn up “Can’t Hold Us”
My Bose know how to roar

I got to feed the beast
Those crossed palms hit my eyes
Off the bus, ready to feast
Get my burger, coke and fries

Buddy I’m in trouble
I need a double double
I ain’t gonna joke
Bout’ my animal fries and coke

Buddy I’m in trouble
I wanna double double
Fool this shit ain’t fake
Need me a chocolate shake

Step inside, join the crowd
I got to get my fix
My belly booming loud
Hunger and munchies don’t mix

Front of the line
Gotta order my meal
Animal style so fine
Grilled onions fo’ real

Snag an empty seat
Calmly wait my turn
Smell the grilling meat
Hear the machines churn

Finally I hear it
My number called thrice
With my food I sit
Next stop, paradise

Buddy I’m in trouble
I need a double double
I ain’t gonna joke
Bout’ my animal fries and coke

Buddy I’m in trouble
I wanna double double
Fool this shit aint fake
Need me a chocolate shake.

Tyler Chatfield Tveit is a large twentysomething man. A native of Washington state and a resident of Los Angeles. He is a knowledgeable Eagle Scout and member of the Kappa Sigma Fraternity at University of Washington. He enjoys sandwiches of various fillings, pizzas of various toppings and cakes of various frostings. He also enjoys various intoxicants and telling dick jokes to crowds of indifferent drunkards.